Scheme

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Scheme is the True Wizard's programming language, it is often criticized because of it's heavy use of (((brackets))), but requires the least amount of commands in mind to get something done.

(display "Hello, World!")

Is all you need to print a fucking string on the screen. You also don't need "for", "while", 300 other variations of printf and recursion is fairly easy, the secret is calling a function within a function.

(define a 3) ;attributing the value of 3 to "a"
(define (niggers a b c d e f))  ;creating function "niggers" with 6 parameters
((code-here)                    ;to be processed by code in the next atom
  (niggers 8 3 35 79 1))        ;calling function "niggers" within the function with parameters
(cond (< 6 3) (+ 3 6)          ;if the predicate is true, it will execute the next instruction (the sum), else it will ignore
     (> 6 3) (- 6 3))

External Links[edit]

While this article does not get better, check out these MIT courses:
MIT 6.090 Building Programming Experience: A Lead-In to 6.001
MIT 6.001 Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs
or The Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs book which is available for free online from the publisher.